The Voice
by Alantie Mistaniu
Summary: Some tragedies a person just never gets over. What will it take for Cloud to finally recieve peace at last?


A/N: This one is done for the CxA Forums 100 Challenge, for the theme Wind. It was inspired by the poem _The Voice, _byThomas Hardy. I hope you will enjoy! Read and review please! Thank you:D

Disclaimer: Owns nothing

**The Voice**

Sweet faced and smiling, lips a delicate rose pink, laughter that could make his spirits rise with a flash of those devastatingly lovely emerald eyes. Her arms were always opened to embrace him, even after all that he had done. He had failed her, lost her, and watched her die on a blade of silver steel unable to move. Even with her blood staining his hands, her image was continually before his eyes with that heartbreakingly sweet frozen smile and open arms, calling out his name.

_How she calls to him, even now. He wonders if her voice is but a dream, a manifestation of his longing for her- her laughing, calling, telling him she is no longer as she once was, and yet, still the same. "I'm waiting. . .Come find me. . .I'll catch you, I promise. . ."He turns frantically, but she is not there. Maybe she never was. Maybe. . . _

Everyone told him it wasn't his fault. 

_But he was standing right there. _

No one could have expected such a thing to happen. 

_Why had he stood there, legs leaden weights, only able to watch? _

It could have happened to anyone. 

_Anyone too weak to protect her. _

They were kind and compassionate towards his suffering, doing anything they could to help him. 

_Nothing could help._

Tifa had offered him a place to stay, knowing how he still struggled and how he was about taking care of himself. Oh sure, he would make sure his basic needs were met- food, water, a place to sleep. But when it came to other matters, he was hopeless. She would wash his clothes, cook him breakfast, and help him with his delivery business. But even she could not miss the fact that he was only going through the motions of living.

_He tried to get past it. Honestly, he did try. _

Marlene picked up on it first. But then, that was no surprise. She was an amazingly perceptive child, and had demonstrated on more than one occasion that she saw and understood more than adults would have imagined. The child would often slip over to sit next to Cloud, wherever he might be brooding that day, saying nothing. She would simply put her small hand on his and watch his face closely, her dark eyes intent on his every move.

_No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't get her voice out of his mind, could not stop her image from rising unbidden in his mind. How she called to him. . . a call more irresistible than that of a siren. _

"Cloud- Cloud?" Tifa frowned, putting her hands on her hips as she stared at the man's spiky chocobo head from where he sat on the small hill, his back to her. She scowled; he wasn't that far away, for goodness sakes!

"He doesn't hear you." The little girl had appeared silently beside her, causing the older woman to jump.

"What do you mean he doesn't hear me?" Tifa repeated, perplexed. "He's right there."

Marlene shrugged, her small shoulders lifting beneath her light wool shirt. "He doesn't hear you. He doesn't really hear anyone anymore. . ."

Without another word, Marlene skipped across the grass, plopping down beside Cloud. As Tifa watched, the little girl laid her head against the man's arm, the wind whipping through their hair. He never moved. 

_He swears he can still hear her voice calling out his name, can still see the expression in her eyes and that smile forever locked in place. But it's only in his mind that he sees her. He is so certain that if he could just turn quickly enough she will be standing there. . . but she never is. _

Cloud doesn't really know how or why, but knows that Marlene understands to some degree. He doesn't talk to her much- _He doesn't talk to anybody- _but somehow she knows. No one else seems to. Tifa is easier to anger, becoming more and more upset and worried with each passing day. There are new lines around her mouth that he couldn't remember seeing before, and she sports a new expression whenever she glances at him and thinks he doesn't see- mouth tight, lips pursued into a thin line, brow wrinkled, eyes shining with something akin to fear.

_The ache inside him is growing worse and worse- everyday without her is a struggle. Taunted by his own imaginings and phantom voices- he's not certain how much longer he can take it. _

"Why can't you let it go!" she cries at him one night, unable to keep it bottled up any longer. "Why can't you let _her _go? Let her go Cloud! Let her rest!"

He doesn't respond. He never does anymore. His back is to her as she rants, staring out at the night sky. In all honesty, it scares her, though she will never say it to him. Before she can stop herself, she's slapped him across the face, desperate to get some reaction out of him- anything would be better than that dead expression.

For a second, just barely a brief moment, those sapphire sky orbs meet hers, and the expression in them breaks Tifa's heart. A trapped, lost, frightened child imprisoned in an adult world. Her eyes brim with tears and she reached out to him, desperate to cling to the faint flicker of emotion she had felt from him in ages, but his gaze had moved past her to where a small figure stood on the staircase, tears silently rolling down her cheeks.

_No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, she never stopped crying. . . why couldn't he help her stop crying? _

Marlene moved past Tifa, a small white garbed figure in her old cotton nightgown, holding out a small hand to the tall blond, speaking in a surprisingly calm voice despite the moisture glinting on her pale face. "Come on, Cloud. Let's go to bed."

For a moment he simply stared at her with blank eyes. Then slowly, hesitantly, he placed his large hand in her smaller one, allowing her to lead him up the stairs to his room. For the first time ever, Marlene did not come to sleep in Tifa's room that night, as she usually did. Instead, the little girl stayed with Cloud. When Tifa asked her about it later, Marlene just shrugged her small shoulders.

"He needed me. Well, really, he needed Sissy, but I did the best I could."

_Why couldn't he take her hand? He always reached out for her, but never seemed able to touch her hand, to gasp those pale slender fingers that had offered him the delicate green stem of a perfect flower. _

He was slipping away. In truth, he had been for a long time, but she'd only recently realized it, and now there was nothing she could do to stop it. Maybe there never was.

Whatever reality Cloud stumbled into or created in his own mind, this was one she couldn't break into to save him from this time. Wherever it was, he'd locked himself away so tightly and flung the key so far that there wasn't much hope of finding it. In fact, the only one who seemed able to reach him at all was Marlene.

Tifa didn't understand. He'd never been extremely close to the little girl before. So why was it now that it was Marlene who could coax him to eat, who sat with him for hours singing her little made up songs and reading to him aloud, taking him for walks in the tall waving grass? Marlene did not have an answer, and Cloud had long stopped talking to anyone in the real world. Sometimes she could hear him mumbling under his breath, but she could not make out the words, and whenever she tried to get close enough to hear he trailed off and fell silent.

_Why? She said she forgave him that in her mind there was nothing to forgive. But why won't she answer when he speaks to her? Why does she watch him with that sad glow in her gentle loving eyes without saying a word? _

"Why won't she say anything to me?"

Marlene's dark eyes lifted from the flowers she had been gathering, severely startled. It had been so long since she had heard Cloud's voice that she had almost forgotten what it sounded like. It was quiet, muted, and hoarse from lack of use, but the same gentle deep voice she had missed for so long.

"Maybe you aren't hearing her," she suggested, straightening with the dewy fresh blooms overflowing in her arms.

Cloud blinked, like a man coming out of a deep slumber as she plopped down in his lap, working on weaving the flowers into a crown. "But I always hear her voice. I can't get it out of my head."

The child considered this for a moment, pausing in her work as she thought the matter over. "Then maybe you don't hear what she's really saying." 

Marlene finished the chain, smiling happily as she stood up, turning around to place it on the blond's spikes. She was not surprised that once again his expression was detached and distant, as if he didn't even see her. Leaning forward she pressed a kiss to his cheek, taking his hands in her own as she tugged him to his feet.

"Come on. It's time to go home."

_Could he really have missed what she had been trying to say, all this time? Was that the reason she was so sad? Oh sweet spirits of the Lifestream- he had caused her more pain. Unintentionally, but still she was suffering because of him. It killed him inside- no matter what he did, he only made everything a thousand times worse. What would it take to get her blood off of his hands? Would he never be free of the guilt and pain, or was he doomed to be cursed for the rest of his days? _

Cloud was sick- viciously so. He'd developed a cough and a high fever that left him delirious and mumbling to people no one else could see. Tifa blamed it on him spending too much time outdoors, but deep down everyone knew the real reason. Only Barret was blunt enough to say the real reason.

"Ya know he's never been the same since she died, Teef," he told her gruffly as she tried vainly to hide her tears of anger and pain. "He never came back from that. Not really."

"He did so well for awhile though," she whispered bitterly watching as Marlene gently wiped Cloud's pale sweating face with a damp cloth. As she had done with Denzel, the child sat there watching over him, unaware of the adults hovering in the background. Tifa blinked rapidly against the stinging sensation in her eyes. "He came back to us . . .I thought. . . I thought. . ."

"I know, Tifa." Barret hugged her tightly to offer the distraught young woman some comfort. "He's heartsick. Y'just don't get over somethin' like that, and some never get over it at all. 'Specially not people like Cloud."

_His body's pain isn't much of a concern to him. Physical pain is nothing compared to the spiritual agony that clings to him constantly cutting away at him. There's only one person who can heal it- and she calls to him, beckoning him to come. But he doesn't know how. Maybe. . . maybe Marlene was right. Maybe he hasn't been hearing what she's really been saying all this time. . . _

Carefully, Marlene set the fresh picked lilies in the tall vase by Cloud's bedside, pouring in some new clean water before sitting back on her stool with a sigh. The spiky blond had been surprisingly quiet today, almost eerily so. Despite his fever, he had not called out or moaned at all since she had come back from a visit to the Church with her Daddy.

Sighing, the little girl picked up one of her storybooks and began to read aloud when a hand on her arm startled her so badly she jumped, dropping the book. Cloud's mako blue eyes were staring at her, startlingly lucid for the first time in days.

"Cloud?" she asked uncertainly. "What is it?" He merely stared at her for several long moments before squeezing her arm lightly and trying to sit up. She hurried to help him the best she could, frightened by how frail and thin he had become. "What is it, Cloud?"

His eyes darted to the window, to the flowers, and back again before looking at her once more.

"You want to go outside?" When he gave a slight nod, Marlene bit her lip uncertainly. "I don't know. . ." she said doubtfully. "I don't think Tifa would like it. You are sick after all."

The man gazed at her quietly, a pleading glitter in his eyes, and she relented. Quickly she dug his boots out from under the bed and helped him put them on before dragging his old black coat from out of the closet and putting it on him. Once she was satisfied, Marlene took his hand and led his stealthily down the stairs. Luckily, Tifa was occupied on the phone so it wasn't long before they were outside in the fresh spring air.

There was a notable change at once. His eyes brightened, and his pale face tilted upward toward the sun as they walked. He was quiet, as he always was anymore, but Marlene didn't mind. She filled the silence with chatter and talk of anything and everything under the sun, though her mind was back on the days when she had been so shy around Cloud she hadn't dared to talk to him. Now she trusted him more than anyone to keep her secrets and tales to himself.

Suddenly Cloud dug his heels in and refused to budge from the spot he now stood on. Confused, Marlene lifted her head and followed his line of sight through the waving grass and flowers to the edge of the cliff. She didn't know why he was staring off in that direction; they had walked past this place many times before.

"Cloud?" Deep inside though, a strange feeling of calm had descended upon her, and somehow, she suddenly knew that everything would be all right.

_The wind stirred his hair and he felt his soul respond to the voice he heard calling on it. Blinking, his heart leapt, and he is desperate to reach her. This time. . .this time he can't let her go. But. . . He hesitates even as the breeze picks up, causing his clothing to flutter and dance to its rhythm. Understanding flows through him, and for what feels like eternity, he is stunned. It couldn't really be that simple, could it? It couldn't be so easy. . . but then again, it must not be. After all, it's taken this long for him to realize what it is she's been trying to tell him. _

"Marlene." His sapphire sky gaze locked with the child's dark eyes as she looked at him unsurprised, so small and serious for someone her age. "I think that it's. . . I. . . I'm sorry. . ."

"It's okay," the little girl responded, squeezing his hand tightly despite the moisture that welled up unbidden in her eyes. "It's okay, Cloud." Stepping forward, she hugged him tightly around the waist, never wanting to let go but at last he gently unwound himself from her embrace before taking several slow steps toward the cliff, following the path of the wind.

_Her voice rose and fell in its sweet melodic call, his name a gentle caress from her lips. "Cloud. . ." _

_"Why do you call me and then when I turn you aren't there?" he whispered, fighting back bitter tears, shutting his eyes tightly. "Why can't I ever let it go- why- why do I still feel your blood on my hands?" _

_She sighed softly. "I never blamed you." _

_"Then why?" he cried out, his voice torn and bleeding with his own anguish. "Why am I still kept from you?" _

_There was no answer, but he felt the lightest touch of air against his cheek, drying his tears, and he felt the old realization climbing back through his mind. _

_"Is- is it really so easy. . ." Doubt swam through him, as it always did and half shrieking, he called out to her again. "I don't know! I can't stand this life anymore!" _

_Her love surrounded him, and he nearly staggered at the sweetness of it. "I can do nothing until you release yourself. I've been waiting for you to let it go for so long, Cloud, so very long. . ." _

_He reeled; so it was. It was not that she did not want him, that she had not forgiven him It was not that he was not worthy or that the Planted rejected him as being impure. No. It was his simple inability to forgive himself. It was his own guilt and pain that bound him, nothing else. _

_Slumping to his knees he wept, gasping, aching sobs as painful and all consuming as he had done on the day she had been taken from him. The wind picked up, and he could feel her as if she knelt beside him, arms encircling his hunched form to protect him from the world. _

_"You've been carrying it for so long," she whispered sadly. "And you never had to. Won't you let it go now, Cloud? Forgive yourself, and come to me .I'll catch you, I promise." _

_Forgive himself . . . something that sounded so simple, yet something so terribly difficult to do. But with her. . . she made him believe anything was possible. _

_Somehow he was on his feet once more, daring at last to open his eyes. She stood before him, forest green eyes glowing with soft tenderness, her flowing mahogany hair whipping about her slender frame in the spring breeze. Her arms were open, that beautiful, sweet smile on her lips. _

_"Cloud. . ." _

_"Aerith." _

_He exhaled shakily, relaxing as the wind embraced him. And at last, with one last step forward, he let go. _

Tifa could not disguise her mixed anger and relief as Marlene came walking up the street. But then the worry and fear returned full force as she realized that the small girl was alone.

"Where have you been?" she gasped as the child came up the steps, taking her by the shoulders and giving her a little shake. "You didn't tell anyone where you were going- and Cloud! Where is he? He's sick, Marlene! I'm surprised at you for taking him out in his condition!"

Marlene stood quietly until the dark haired woman's rant trailed off, and then she noticed the streaks of tear-stains on her pale rounded cheeks. "He's gone, Tifa."

Her heart shattered, the echo of the falling fragments deafening in the white silence. "What do you mean he's gone?" she demanded, trying her hardest to keep her voice calm.

The girl's composure shook slightly, and her lower lip quivered. "He went over the cliff," came the barely audible whisper.

A shriek escaped Tifa's lips and she collapsed on the floor, crying hysterically as she continued to shake Marlene desperately. "No! No!" She wept desperately, clinging to Marlene who held her back quietly, surprisingly composed through it all. "He couldn't have fallen! He- he-"

Marlene ran her tiny fingers through Tifa's raven hair, her cheek resting against the top of the woman's head as she tried to comfort her. "Its okay, Tifa," she managed to get out, even as a few pearly drops of moisture slipped free. "Sissy was there."

"Aerith. . . Aerith was there?" she repeated blankly, still holding the little girl so tightly it was a wonder the child didn't break in half.

Puzzled, Marlene pulled back enough to stare into the other woman's eyes. "Didn't you know, Tifa? Sissy's been here all along. She was just waiting for Cloud to be ready."

_And she was there to catch him when he fell._


End file.
